Paul is such a nice guy and a great talent. I don't want to see him lose points like that said one steward. So we're giving him penalties to save him from himself.
What about the fact that he'd already had a penalty in Monaco and did the same thing in Canada?
Oh, he'll get the message now. I guess they should have explained to him after Monaco what was happening, but actually explaining our decisions is something we're only coming to grips with now. Honestly, the idea still makes me feel a little faint.
So the penalties presumably aren't for dangerous driving then?
Of course not - how could it? He's not taking any points off of Ferrari or threatening to win the world championship, so he couldn't possibly be a dangerous driver. Not like those meddling kids Hamilton and Vettel.
What about Nick Heidfeld? Will he be punished to stop him from driving into the back of people and bringing out the Safety Car?
Don't be silly. We may make the craziest decisions but nothing says we have to be consistent about it.
These penalties clearly aren't really deterrents at all, are they? After all, we're seeing more and more penalties every race. Have you heard of the phrase "locking the stable door after the horse has bolted"?
Nay.
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